21 Mildly Discouraging Thoughts


1. All the hot lemon water in the world won’t save you from eventual physical and mental decrepitude. 

2. Subway trains don’t choo choo.

3. Every butterfly alive today will be dead in nine months. 

4. CPR almost never succeeds. 

5. You may be carrying a crippling genetic disorder that will cut down a future grandchild.

6. Berries are so fucking expensive.

7. When you die, you might poop yourself.

8. Someone out there thinks you’re actually pretty boring in bed and they've told their friends. 

9. That dark spot on your back might not be nothing.  

10. One day you will no longer be able to jump because you will be old and weak.

11. Your bangs don't look as good as you think they look.  

12. Sometimes hamsters eat their own babies. Snakes, too. 

13. At some point you will buy a popsicle mold and literally never make popsicles.

14. Your grandmother will die and you will not have spent enough time with her. 

15. All your hard work could amount to nothing. 

16. You only have enough time to read a finite amount of books before you expire or go blind. 

17. It’s hard to eat more than a few pancakes.

18. Your eyelashes are crawling with mites. 

19. The love of your life has almost certainly tenderly whispered that someone else means everything to them. Or will. 

20. Coffee doesn't taste like it smells. 

21. Maybe your kindergarten teacher is dead. 

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