Incredible Things My Date Told Me Before the Breadsticks Arrived 

Oh, you think The Shawshank Redemption may be the greatest film ever? 

But what’s this? Perhaps Stand By Me is a close second?

You carry a Moleskine just in case an idea comes to you? Like on the train or something? You must have such good ideas all the time. I’ve just inferred that.

Your last girlfriend was a nationally-ranked squash player, eh? You still get on? Because your relationship transitioned naturally into friendship? Mature!

You took a gap year to work on a small farm in Belize? But left after a month to join your friends in Nice because you felt you'd reached an organic point of departure from that experience? 

No way, you can play "Wonderwall" on the guitar? 

You’re sure that I know I’m beautiful but you hope I understand that I’m truly striking?  

You would actually consider your biggest turn on to be intelligent conversation? In fact, you consider yourself something of a sapiosexual? 

And a raconteur? Oh my.

You thought the Women’s March was “so great, really important stuff"? Oh, and here's a picture of you there with Madam Squash. Yes, she does look "passionate about those things."

It's funny because I'm so easygoing and that's so refreshing after your last relationship? 

You think Arcade Fire is overrated? You really have your ear to the pavement.

Oh, I should order whatever I like? 

Fucking splendid.